I visited my Granddad Kenneth Roberts at our beloved summer home in Eagles Mere. It was the first time that I visited him just by myself. Normally it would be a sort of family reunion with other cousins and uncles and aunts there. I realize that normally I gravitate to those in my peer group. Before I would always opt to spend a majority of my time with my cousins. I really got to know my Granddad better. I predicted one thing before he said it. He said to me "One thing that I still find true today is I still find women very attractive." One regret I have is that I didn't have a better sex life with your grandmother." We were too traditional." We could have experiamented more. Most of all I feel like I could have peleased her more. could have had a better sex life with my wife. I could have pleased her more. We were always so traditional. I wish that I could go back and relive that portion of my life. " All this was odd considering grandma is dead and he is old but I totally understand it. I surely won't repeat that mistack. He also revealed more to me about his brother and family. That he believed that he was the worst thing to happen to his brother. NOT of his fault."It's what the gods chose." that his brother was born average and he was born lucky so it cramped his older brother style as he was always in comparison with a two year differnce between them. That he was just naturally happy. He fought so viciously with his only brother that his mother send the older to boarding school to separate them. One xmas the parents bought their kids boxing gloves so their could be cushions when they punch each other. They never used them. When Granddad was 8 years old his brother went to the other side of town with older boys and there was some kind of scuffle. His older brother sat Grandy down and told him this horrific story of what happened. And really scared the crap out of Grandy. It was traumatic for grandy and he pushed this fear deep inside the back of his mind. Up until SR year of college Granddad was MR. popular. He was on the all American Soccer Team Elected president of student body in sr year of college. Then near the end of sr you he experienced nerosis where those memories and fears of his brothers story bubbled up to the surface and it was if Granddad lost his confidence in life lost his vigor he was all of a sudden unsure of himself. It took him several years to gain it back and being married to Marian helped tremendously. I didn't know that his brothers family had two suicides and Rocky who attempted came to live with my mothers fam when he was 17 because he attempted suicide. I think intelligent educated people are more likely to commit suicide.
Granddad also revealed that he had no Idea that his wife treated my mother so horribly until he took a train ride across the country with my mother. "Marian was great with boys but horrible to your mother." That he felt like psychologically MARIAN thought of my mother as competition for Kenneths love. I though it was more of a symptom of sexism and distain for women but he is better to know. He told me my mother went to a mental hospital when she was 20 and was in much therapy. Since I've known my mother she has always been a seeker of spirituality. She was neurotic while I was growing up. Now buhhdism has helped her to be a calm person. In comparison her brothers are not religious. I realize that because of her mental problems from childhood abuse this is what caused my mother to be a seeker and to find the Baha'i faith and this is why I am Baha'i today. My Mother was much more active in Baha'i as my father has always been anti social.
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